Okay, I want everyone on my list who reads this to answer;
How do you deal with rapists/paedophiles?
I want to smash bottles around him and slit his fucking throat. After torture, of course. Because redemption doesnt consider the victims sometimes.
And I wont forget the people who wanted to forget, either. Because its fucking wrong to silence the victim.
Kiddos, do I go to the police, knowing the contempt with which they treat abuse victims, and the fact the conviction rate is under 5%?
Because I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING.
I've been around for a long time now, but haven't written anything.
Would anyone think it was strange if I said that it's been nearly seven years, and I'm just now starting to deal with what happened to me?
I was messed up before it happened, but now I'm starting to realize that the things I'd done, the feelings I'd felt, all the stuff I thought was me "dealing" was really just "coping." Dealing good, coping bad. Coping is just a way of pushing it aside and learning to live around it rather than with it.
My rape was my introduction into the world of sexual intercourse. My experience prior to had consisted of a few makeout sessions... I once let someone suckle my nipples, and I reluctantly had fondled a hard penis through clothing.
My choice to wait to explore my physical pleasure and sexuality until I'd found the exact right person I was comfortable with perhaps made the assault all the more traumatizing.
So, from then on, there was no exploration. If someone showed the slightest interest, I ripped my clothes off and did whatever they wanted, no questions, no waiting. I guess I thought it was easire that way... if you didn't give them what they wanted, they'd take it anyway. And besides, why waste time exploring and discovering and whatnot... the sooner everyone cums, the sooner it's all over.
Don't get me wrong. I love sexual pleasure. I even enjoy sex itself. But it's all just sex. Doesn't matter who, where, when...
Promiscuous isn't the word to describe what I became. And I wasn't always careful. Now, I'm paying the price.
And it's only because of that price that I'm taking stock of the situation and realizing that I've strayed so far from my own true path that I may never find it again, and that I let my rape and my reaction to it (and my refusal to deal with it) define me. I'm ready to deal, but I'm scared as hell... and feeling very very alone. What if I become "me" and no one likes that person, or worse, no one loves her?
Too much to deal with... going to meltdown...
i don't really write in this journal anymore, and therefore haven't been as active in theis community as i would like to be.
could you please invite my new journal "wordswords" to join the community?
I wrote this one after midsummer's eve just gone. We start the night with a candle lighting ceremony. Everyone gets a tealight candle which is lit from the same 'parent' candle year after year and then makes a wish. My wish was "For the adult I've become and the child still tumbling around inside - may I continue to find joy in growth". I was then up all night thinking of circles and phoenix's, casting his name to ashes as I did so. By the end of the night, I was wondering around the backyard, shoeless and this is what I saw:
there was a path
fading in the sun
there was a path
fading in the sun
I have cast wishes to flames
wings of pure hope
soaring to nights clear sky